Think..Think...THINK! BRAINBLAST!!!

Sorry its taken so long to write to my devote followers! Most of you only came to my blog because you saw a the post "From Undiscovered Model, to Undiscovered Missionary." Hey, No judgement. Ahahaha I have learned to live with my curse. 

What a lot of people fail to pick out in that post is the words, they are too busy looking at the pictures! Well if that post was ever read, one would realize my life is not normal, due to my mother of course. Having a creative mom, always lead to a...creative child. Who can say what "normal" is anyway!

I am grateful for my brain, normal or not. I mean who doesn't love having a floating mass of muscle, stuffed into your skull that controls every part of your body. Every bodily function physical and mental that is taken, is first processed through a lump of meat suspended in cranial fluid, precariously perched upon a long tower of stacked vertebrate.

 With its dangerously designed position upon our shoulders, have anyone of us ever really stopped to think how precious and valuable a working brain is? Have we ever stopped to think of the importance of keeping our brain strong?

 If we have, then we have thought about the power of our thoughts. What we think, thought, and thunk determine what we speak, seek, and want. With the effortless action of thinking, our lives are lived. So if we think it, we really CAN, or will, tend to do it.

With that, how important is it to have virtuous thoughts. If we are always having filth and sensual scenes dumped into our mind through our senses, how are we suppose to EVER accomplish the important tasks God has for us! On a more personal scale, how are we suppose to accomplish the important tasks our kids, husband, wife, or friends, NEED of us? If we are not constantly using our will to intake appropriate material, it will overflow with crap. We need to flush the crap.

God will not compete with our will. If we are not willing to feed our mental belly with nourishing nutrition, it will be filled with rotting sweet relish wether we want it or not (because no one really likes sweet relish). We would never go eat at that hotdog place that serves their food rotting and sweet relish topped. THEN WHY do we all do that with our minds, why is sweet relish always being gladly partaken of in our minds.

We allow random people to influence us with their filthy internet posts. We read miss-named author's inappropriate literature. We watch shows and videos filled with explicit viewings. We eat sweet relish daily.

Why don't we make more of an effort to feed or Minds with healthy growth stimulating experiences? Everyone wants the hot beach body to impress others, but no one seems to be asking Google "how do i get the hot beach mind." You know the person that makes changes in the food it feeds its mind, makes changes in the world they live.

If our minds are strong, when that rotten relish topped hotdog is dangling in front of us, we will be able to push it away. We will be able to have virtuous thoughts that lead to virtuous actions.

It all starts with understanding the power of our thoughts. That our hunk of meat floating in cranial fluid, sits or sinks upon the foundation we think it upon.

So sit upon concrete thoughts or sink with your sensual appetites.

Listen to your healthy cravings when they start to say, "think something I'm giving up on you."

From Marine to Mormon, to Mormon Marine!

My old man, emphasis on the old, served in the Military for 25 plus years. Growing up life was always different. I believe I learned more from my Father and his "Jarhead 101" teachings than any class room teacher. He taught everything from using proper tone of voice when you speak, to how to storm a beach at night!

With each life lesson freely given, came the expectation of real life application. If He taught it, you better do it. (Picture his six kids, cameo upped, storming your beach property late at night, what a sight to see.) It didn't matter if you did it wrong the first, second, or even third time, he just wanted you to do it, he wanted you to try.

With each life building experience he guided you through, came the expectation of obedience to the new knowledge you had obtained. If He said don't run over water meter covers with the lawn mower, because it bends blades, and then showed you the bent blade, and then helped you replace it. The expectation was you now know to not run over water meter covers, because it in reality does bend and ruin blades! If you did, you would be replacing the blade yourself.

 I replaced a lot of mower blades, even when it wasn't my fault...thanks younger Kirwan tribesmen. Squatting that long and inhaling the engine fumes probably is the reason I did terrible in college! So you can appropriately blame my younger siblings for my bad grades.

Even through this sometimes brutal learning pattern of, "I told you once, I showed you once, and yet you still disobeyed, now you will do it alone. If you have trouble, figure it out." I learned something was different about my father from the typical horror story Drill Sargent, call me sir, dad. Yes, even among the  sound offs, "JAR THE FLOOR" calls each morning, the yes mam and sirs, roger thats, and over-n-outs, there was something different, an intense kindness only found in a Heavenly Father.(Follow Link to Learn More About Your Father In Heaven!) 

My Dad built a relationship with our loving Heavenly Father. That relationship ranked him in a completely new way. He was not only a hard working Marine or faithful Latter-Day Saint, he was both. Two truly all encompassing lifestyles merging into one amazing Man. This allowed him to teach me with a kindness not commonly found in the war hardened Devil Dogs. Couple this with the in depth and extensive knowledge and training, you get a soul worth admiring.

I have grown to realize that it is through his faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and his faithfulness in his membership to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, that taught him how to be at peace. He gained extensive training and all around good knowledge from the Military, but not until it was refined by his Church service did purpose for life emerge. These precious service experiences have allowed him to in turn teach me how to: be at peace, learn from the world, and live in the world without falling prey to the world.




I have thought of 5 things that I recognize rubbed into my Fathers life from being a member of Christ's Church that shaped who I am.

1. language. There are so many different ways to communicate in our day that our language, or the method of human communication seems to be limitless.

We have email, texts, IM, pagers, phone calls, letters, friendly waves, french, Spanish, German, Portuguese, Mandarin, Japanese, high-fives, low-fives, thumbs up, smiles, frowns, smoke signals, Morse code, and the list goes on forever...If it is beating a rock on a tree, precise tactical hand motions, or a simple text saying I love you, you are linguistically communicating in everything you do.

 When speaking to children, parents or friends, language can always build up or tear down, but there is no middle ground. So take note of how you communicate.

2. Wholesome hobbies. Ever wonder what Marines do in their free time? Ever wonder what Mormons do with their free time? Well combining the two together you get a lot of family high adventure activities.

One Monday night my family decided to play jokes on each other. It went from tactically moving our parents car, to our parents sneaking my sisters 2 year old child out of a window. Well, you could say that Kirwans don't play fair, and if it's jokes on each other, we are defiantly shooting to kill. Only because we love each other so much!

Anything that the family participates in that constructively creates bonds one to another, will be wholesome and rewarding. Try something different than sitting in the living room watching reruns of Survivor.

3. Compassionate service. Christ was always serving. Literally, He did all he could for everyone else. Finding ways to service others in the spirit of love will help you to appreciate them, and them you. Service helps us view each other as we are, children of God.

My Fathers example of service has always been a great one to follow. He would clean the kitchen late at night if the child assigned to, decided to "clean it later." He always woke up early to go to work and didn't complain. He made sure his children came before he did. His service was from the desire of his heart, not the command of his Master Gunnery Sargent.

 If you fall short in thinking of a fun service opportunity, go ask your Mom! Ahahaha. Dad will tell you to mow the lawn....

4. The Spirit. Anyone who is religious has heard about "The Spirit." So naturally you would assume that those who go to church know exactly what it is. Well, I didn't. The one who taught me, and the one who helped me first recognize it, was the person i first recognized it in. My Father. Because of his kind language and fun activities with everyone, and his service to me, I saw and felt a sense of goodness in him. It was the spirit. The Bible explains a little of what the Spirit is and how to recognize it (Galatians 5:22-23.)

5. Tears. Marines do not cry never, but my Marine does! Is it because he is less of a macho ripped diesel Marine, that goes into war strapped on to a bomb that is dropped from high altitudes, with intent to single handedly destroy all, ready to give life and limb for the protection of his family, religion, and country! ALL IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM?!

 NO! It is because he understands who he is, where he came from, and where he is going. He knows the purpose of life. We are here to have joy, and to have joy sometimes you need to feel sorrow. Tears can come with both of those emotions. They should have warning labels. No need to bring your own tears, they are included in the price of ship and handling of your joy and sorrow.

Life is to short to miss communicate, skip the family date, withhold your service, ignore God and the Spirit's guidance, and life is way to short to not cry.

So cry on Military Mormon Man, or any macho macho man....its okay my dad does it. There is joy to be had so why not have it.

Happy Fathers Day Master Gunns!! OORAH love you Dad! 

Confessions of a Missionary, DONT TELL MY MOM!

If anyone has an inappropriate family its me. It would be a lie to say otherwise. when you get as all together, the filters fall down and the bathroom talk seeps forth. Not always, like 100% of the time, but it never fails, someone always cracks a poop joke. So, to avoid public shaming of the Kirwan name,we never gathering in more than fours. Sometimes 6, but that is pushing the natural laws of the decency established in our moral universe.

I have really, REALLY, done a great job at changing topics of conversation to wholesome and good things on my mission. Cracking clean jokes instead of the jokes you tell cracking you. I have found that you can laugh HARDER at the simple, clean, wholesome jokes, than you can at the ones that you have to spray with Clorox.


With this new knowledge that God blessed me with, He required me to then live up to my new found enlightenment, He deemed me accountable. Now knowing that it is better to be clean than dirty in my speech, God expects me to stop saying things that would merit a Dove bar of soap in the mouth.Which is an experience I will have to be in counseling a long time for, thanks Mom... Dove soap always show commercials that no residue will be left on your skin, but they never show if residue can linger on the tongue! It probably stunted my growth!!

Part of gaining knowledge, and for that matter answers to our prayers, is living up to our end of the deal. If we ask God questions, or SEEK enlightenment like "is the Book of Mormon true?" or "is Joseph Smith a prophet?" or even "who is struggling in life right now, that I may serve them?" He will answer if we have REAL INTENT. Real intent being a desire and want, promise to God, to do whatever He provides as our answer.

A lot of people wonder why "God never answered me!" well maybe its because he doesn't want you to have to be accountable, He knows your not "good for the money", he has the goods you want, but you cant provide him with the solidity of heart to follow His word. Is it because your some, inherently evil and abominable person, prone to kick a little child when given the chance? Heck NO! I feel it just means that you got to do a little better, show God your serious, show God you have real intent. "oh Elder Kirwan, how do I show God I have REAL REAL intent?" FAITH young Padawan!
You show real intent by doing things he asks or by having FAITH. Its like going to an employer and saying you want a raise without a solid track record. Your boss might even LOWER your pay because of your idiocy ahah. 

God has the same type deal with his children. You WANT more knowledge. You WANT answers to your prayers. "Well if you show your faith, and do what I have already commanded, ill see your real intent. then I will know that what you ask is a question of great importance to you." -God

One way God asks us to show our Faith and Real Intent, is to be Honest. Here comes the confessions of a missionary part. So I was reading an old post from my mothers blog, trying to gain inspiration and came across the most curious of posts, titled: What Did I Expect?!.

I have a Confession. In my Mom's post there has been a crime committed. My smallest brother was suctioned cupped to the head, it left a hickey. welllllll, when the Mother of this small, hickey headed boy came to me and asked..."did you do this?" I said, "NO...it was Joseph." (blaming my next youngest oldest brother, Recruit 4 as so titled) which apparently got me off scotch free, until I read her blog post, and felt bad for realizing that she still, to this day, believes it was my brother Joseph, who gave my smallest brother his first hickey.(go to What Did I expect?! link to see pictures, hilarious! Good thing the Hickey wasn't permanent!)

Now, will God condemn me for that wittle ittle bitty lie? probably not, BUT this I do know, all things start small. Honesty isn't only answering questions with truthfulness when asked. Honesty isn't some internal lie detector that we pretend to be attached to when our moms come to ask us if we did wrong. Its about living in a way that you DO the right thing at all times, and in all things, and in all places. We believe in BEING honest, and in that endeavor anything less than BEING is not an honest effort.

With honesty comes the knowledge from God that we all desire. If your honest with your friends, family, self, and The Big Man amongst the clouds. You WILL have your prayers answered. Honesty IS real intent, and honesty IS faith.  

So down with the the Dove bar of soap, and send up your prayers in all HONESTY!

From Undiscovered Model, to Undiscovered Missionary, life tends to mirror itself.

Never in my life have I ever felt I was to change the world. I just figured, hey I got some pizza and a game controller, why do anything spectacular? Not for one second was my mom going to let me live that way. I was always forced into doing things that where completely ridiculous, and at first I couldn't stand it. As I tested the promises She was feeding me, I began to see that "fun stuff", as She would say, really was fun!

Fun stuff defined. From pretending (forced) to be a model, standing for hours to be twisted and prodded, tickled and poked, talked at and pestered, only to have your Mother say "okay you really need to work with me here." To spending hours in a car with two grown dogs and 8 people, having to stop because someone threw up in their car seat. When that happens, sometimes you wonder why they said car seat when it was all over your lap...It did not matter, it all became fun, especially when I heeded the words of my mom, and worked with her, surrendering my opposing attitude. 

Fun not as in the, I'm going to do this again real soon, but fun as in, one day this will matter to me. It will matter that, although I really hated riding the next 4 hours of the trip without pants on, or that I felt COMPLETELY ridiculous having a "photo-shoot". I have these experiences that brought me closer to my family and allowed me to rely on what they had to say. I could trust them, because I tested the validity of the promises given of them. 

Right now I am serving the Lord as a full-time missionary. I try and help people discover a better life. The hardest thing is getting them to understand, OH HEY, there IS a better way of life, the missionaries arn't full of it! Getting people to understand it is not MY promise, but GOD's promise that you need to test. 

My life wasn't always walking the straight and narrow, as all the "good Mormons" do. I messed up just as any other teenager does, BUT my conversion to the Gospel of Jesus Christ came in the same tone of voice my mother would snicker in, "okay you really need to work with me here." Once I started working, or TESTING the words of God, did it become delicious to me and did I want more, more for myself, and more for those around me.

 This pattern of trial and reward, my Mother consistently provided, came to me at a young age. I recognize now it was to help me learn how to develop a relationship with God. I was taught to "just work with me" until it became fun. God does this all to often, he says "ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6). I believe those who do not have a nosy Mom, (see mothers day post to understand "nosy") can still develop this type of relationship with God. Simply by doing exactly what he says, testing or having a trial of faith with His words. 

The only problem now that I seem to encounter, is not who is going to throw up on me, or what color shirt should I wear under my spiffy powder blue sport coat for our photo shoot, it is how do I help those around me better their life?

All there needs to happen is "lose the tude" and seek God. God has promises of seek and ye SHALL find, knock and it SHALL be open unto you. Ask in faith with nothing wavering, and then listen to the Spirit. By the power of the Holy Ghost ye SHALL know the truth of ALL things.

After you ask, seek, and listen to God, listen to your undiscovered missionary, HE is sent unto you to help you see how the "fun stuff" really is FUN!

If you look back on to your trials as a younger Man or Woman, you will see how God has taught you. With that, you can then mirror the way you learn, and learn how to develop a fun relationship with God. Just as the missionaries in your life are undiscovered, the blessings and amazing future you have with God is also undiscovered.

So go be Indiana Jones. 

Consecration. Oh, you mean Religious Robot? No!

Sometimes we feel that the Lord when he asks us to be consecrated, he asks us to become robots. To leave all we love, and are, and have, to become something we aren't. This theory is False. All he asks of us, is to leave the things we think give us our individuality, to find the things that originally made us who we are. When he asked his disciples to drop their nets, Mathew 4:19-20, they did so. Christ knew they where not suppose to be fishers, but Disciples, the men they originally were. They then began their journey developing their skills of Discipleship which God blessed them with from the beginning.

Our journey, or mission in life and in the mission field, isn't so much about becoming the consecrated missionary or church member, as it is more about un-becoming everything that isn't consecration. I.e. pride, greed, gluttony etc. This is To help us rediscover the person we were from the beginning.

At one point we were all consecrated, or dedicated to God. It is evident with each of us having received a body. The question now is, what are you willing to un-become to find that person. The person who once before, willing followed God. Knowing this gives new meaning and understanding to Mark 8:35, "but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it." He who un-becomes the intentions of the world, finds who he originally was, and lives how God originally intended, allowing life to be a heaven on earth.

If you think it is too hard to change the mortal nature you have adopted, look to the parable of the fruit trees, Mathew 7:16-17. Everyone can change their nature. No matter what has already been done, or brought forth. The scripture teaches us that what we bring forth is how those around us may know who we are. Regardless of what has been done or brought forth, we can always choose to start bringing forth good fruit.

Who we are is not what we did. Who we are is what we do and plan on doing. Ponder on your future. That is where you can find motivation to change your nature. Enlarge your vision. Sacrifice now, to reap later.

God spiritually created, or planned, everything before it was a physical creation. Our planning is spiritually, emotionally, and mentally creating our lives. Our actions are a physical creation of what has been spiritually, emotionally, and mentally designed or planned in our souls.

It does not matter what our outward appearance may look like. Instead what we do is created long before we do it. It is created in our hearts and in our mind. Our actions, are the product of our souls planning. Thus by our fruits shall we be known.

The higher law that Christ taught explains this further in Mathew 5:28, "whosoever looketh upon a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her in his heart." King Benjamin taught us to watch your thoughts, words, and deeds. He understood that our deeds, or actions, are products of our words, which are products of our thoughts. Our thoughts being our souls planning and designing stage. Christ knew the sin of adultery or any other act of disobedience is not one day randomly done, but instead meticulously planned and designed first in our soul.

Look into your self, are you here on earth showing God your consecration? Or are you too busy clinging to your Individuality, that you overlook the person your are suppose to be. Never putting Christ's promise to the test, of losing yourself for a higher cause to find yourself. When you think of consecration in this way, it is not Losing yourself, but rediscovering who you were.

It all starts with your thoughts. So think God! 

What Happens in a Missionary's Heart on Mothers Day?

Recently I was asked to speak on mothers day about Moms. Terrified that i might be "that missionary", the one who you know, ruins mothers day with his horrible talk, I decided to spend more time than half a second preparing a message. I centered it around how my Mother has shown her love and compassionate service to, and for me. As I pondered and expressed my feelings, the strings on my heart began to tug, tugging to the point that I began to understand, even just a fraction, of my or any Mothers love.

I think part of the tugging might have come from being 2,370 miles away from my own mom, for almost the past two years; And finally realizing how much she really does for me. Last October conference D. Tod Christofferson shared a statement measuring the importance of Mothers."In all events, a mother can exert an influence unequaled by any other person in any other relationship." We learn from elder Christofferson that a Mothers influence can, and will set the course her children will sail in life.

In my mind there are countless attributes a mother has that helps her navigate this sometimes treacherous job. Three I want to share with you to day are love, compassionate service, and the ability to find out every small detail of your child's life without ever asking them a question, or being sneaky.

First lets speak on being sneaky. Some of you might view this as intrusive or a violation of your child's privacy. Well it is. And it is needed. Although some might not agree, here is how my mom used this attribute to serve instead of scrutinize.


My father served in the Marine Corps for 29 years...the first 12 or so he spent as a Comms operator for a RECON team. This means he was sent on dangerous missions frequently. During a mission he was shipped to Singapore for a month. The only telephone on the whole base was a little pay phone out side of the barracks. With some expert sloothing, my mother, who lived in Texas, was able to have her call patched through to that pay phone, and have it answered by a marine, who went and found my dad so they could talk. I promise you that that, never happens. An impossible task preformed by my mother because of her uncanny ability to be sneaky. What does a phone call have to do with being a mom? well that experience prepared her to embark on a similar mission that would leave a greater influence on her son.


April 27, 1993 a Tuesday spring morning, a beautiful boy was born. 21 years later I awoke on a Sunday, it being my birthday, to realize that I again, would not be celebrating this significant day with any of my siblings, parents, or grandparents. As you can imagine my birthday went as festive as a birthday could go with no family festivities, or so i thought. Around four thirty, as I sat in a missionary stake meeting, a member of the church burst through the door with a silent announcement. Right behind him was the Wineberg family. Sister Wineberg came swooping in with a camera shutter flying at high-speeds, followed by brother Wineberg carrying a delicious chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, birthday cake.

My mom had devised a plan to have a cake delivered on my birthday. I believe my journal from that day tells it best. "My mom surprised me with a gift that made my heart swell, a chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, birthday cake. The Winebergs were the delivery party, which made me smile. After sister Wineberg snapped enough pictures for the satisfying of my Mothers endless picture-wants, the other 12 plus missionaries in the room sang happy birthday...its was pretty awkward. I love my mom."


My mom, although distant, did everything in her power to show her love for me. She that day was and to this day is invested in me. Brothers and sisters, another way to describe being sneaky is invested. Mothers are naturally good at being invested in their children. They do it so effortlessly it seems to be in their DNA. wanting to know, and find out every current event revolving around their children is not for the feint of heart. With such an intense focus on their children, Moms sacrifice and transform their life to love and give service to their fullest extent, on behalf of their children.


The greatest compassionate service my mother has ever done for me has been her example. Her unwavering devotion and righteous actions have lead me to see what christ like attributes look and feel like. Like all mothers, she has and is good at receiving inspiration to skip the questions "what do you need, or what can i do for you" and jump strait into action; serving with a kind word, or advice that mothers sometimes feel goes un-headed. Whether it is loving support or surprising your missionary son with a cake on his birthday, a mothers service is a mother's love personified.


We cast lots in my family, figuratively, to be the "favorite" child. Everyone knows that if you catch my Mom at the right time, usually after I have just finished cleaning the kitchen, she will claim that her first oldest son is indeed the favorite child. (For any of you wondering when to catch her to prove I am her favorite. Catch her
Right after i do something good, and right before I do something dumb. That window of opportunity is pretty small so please use it.) Unfortunately for the children in my family, I have learned that a Mothers love is not favorited onto any single offspring of hers, but is evenly and abundantly spread throughout her whole spectrum of children. It is evident by the way Moms so willingly give up their immediate wants and needs for the wants and needs of their beloved sons and daughters. In john 15:13 we learn that no greater love a man has than he who layeth down his life for his friends. I feel that if the savior where speaking to a group of Mothers he might have said something to this effect. "Greater love hath no woman than this...that a Mom lay down her life for her children." That is what we see with each new Mother and her child, new lives created, and old lives laid down in love and compassionate service.


I add my testimony to that of Elder Jeffery R Holland's, when he says "May i say to mothers collectively, in the name of the lord, you are magnificent, you are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your father in heaven has in you."


In closing, I feel it important to recognize another group of faithful women. To those sisters who do not yet have children, or yet may never in this life be mothers. Elder Russell M. Nelson, apostle of the lord states "I honor women who are not mothers, they know that motherhood is but one of the realms of womankind. The virtue and intelligence of women are uniquely applicable to other realms as well, such as compassionate service and love." I find it interesting that the attributes of love and compassionate service are not limited to those who are holders of the title Mother, but inherently gifted to all woman.

Brothers and sisters, how beautiful upon the mount are the feet of those who proclaim the gospel. How much more then stunning, are the feet of those who raise, love, and teach, those who will one day proclaim the gospel. I would not be here on my mission without my Mother's love and service. I leave my witness with you, of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, and the love God has for mothers.


If I had wanted to know the feelings of a missionary's heart on mothers day. I do not know, if i could have found better words to describe them, than these. Although hard, two years away from moms, our closest from birth friends, provide great growth to our relationships and provide opportunities to play a tune on the strings of our hearts, and discover our pure love for them which could have never otherwise been composed.